I had great time with both my cousin visiting and my friend from Oregon. Lot of nice talks and walks. And photo making too. My friend from Oregon posed an interesting question while we were viewing my archives. I was showing her my piles of old film from my stock photo days. I have labored over what to do with it all. 25-year-old slides and black and white film of faces of children and other models. I have tried to give it away to the folks they represent, but they are hard to find. My model releases only have old addresses and phone numbers. Most no longer valid. The idea of just throwing them away seems harsh to me. Does the work not still have value to someone? She asked me how I wanted to spend my time? Spending hours painstakingly trying to find homes for the work? Or save the time for myself? I have asked myself this question a million times, especially over the past few years. But I am not sure anyone else has asked me, so the question seemed more poignant. I have been thinking about it for the past few days and have realized that much of my time is not really my own to freely spend however I wish. I began to wonder how much of my time belongs to me and how much is given up to care giving duties? 25%? 50%? More? I don’t really have an answer. I don’t feel encumbered, but at times I do feel a bit overwhelmed by it all and unable to look forward and plan for myself and perhaps even dream about the future. My life is very much in the moment every day. And in some ways, I feel like time is running out.
